Monday, January 5, 2009

Lost in Thought...



Recently, I was having a conversation with my husband who was talking to me about the type of work that he does. During our conversation, I had a stream of thought, “I start work in a couple of days, jeez – I hope he makes dinner – this house is a mess – I don’t feel like doing anything today – I wonder how Crystal is – Thank God I finished Barbara’s resume – construction is so boring to me - I need to post a article on my blog – I can’t wait to get my hair done – I need a vacation – uh, did he ask me a question?”

Have you ever had the experience of sitting and talking with someone and you had to bring your self back to the conversation? You had to bring your “thoughts” back to the present moment and you felt badly because you really didn’t hear what the person actually said. But, you find it very easy to pickup where you left off in the conversation - faking it briefly for seconds, until you make it. And you are glad that the person you are talking to really never obtain the fact that you’ve actually left the conversation.

My opinion is there may be two reasons to explain this phenomenon. One reason is that you have spoken to a particular person so often that you are aware of his/her conversational behavior and actually know what the person is saying or know what the person is going to say before it is said. So, why listen? Why be present? The second reason is that you know you may never see the person again or have another conversation with the person. So you just allow the person to keep talking and eventually you fill in the missing pieces (the content) of the conversation that brings you to the person’s current statement to only escape again feeling unfilled after the conversation is over.

Removing yourself from the present moment has somewhat of a negative impact on you and the person you are talking with because it brings uncertainty to both of you. You view the conversation, their message, the time you spend with them as the time you could be using to do something else, as a means to an end. The present moment is not important enough and what the person is saying to you is not important. When in fact, you should listen simply because the person, his/her Being is important.

Now, when I escape a conversation, I am aware instantly that I’m escaping in my mind, lost in my thoughts. My thoughts have invaded the experience of the present moment of connecting with the spirit of the person I’m talking to. I am AWARE that I am not giving full attention to the person while I’m thinking. Giving full attention means that you are listening with non-judgment and non-resistance, no thought, just acceptance and patience. I practice daily to communicate even if I don’t say any words. I practice especially when the conversation is one that is considered to be unpleasant. Try listening intently without reaction but just to feel the present moment and acknowledge the space in you that is able to avoid thoughts and give love, attention and compassion. It’s an amazing triumph over negative thoughts and feelings. When we practice this road to triumph, we decrease depositing negative energy into someone else, into ourselves and most importantly into this universe.

Sending positive energy your way, always!

2 comments:

Se'lah said...

I do that all the time...and feel guilty for it sometimes. Other times, depending on who I am talking to I am happy that my mind drifted off and gave me a break from the momentary bore...after all, it couldn't be my fault that they weren't able to hold my attention. I am constantly practising my listening skills...and I often enjoy listening to nothing.

vchelle said...

No, Se'lah, it's not your fault that the person does not hold your attention. LOL.. That's why it is even more of a challenge to give a person your presence. It may be boredom to you, but maybe uplifting to the other person, the fact that you are present with them. Possibility?...